Stella Grizont: Hacking Happiness –

VIDEO | Dave Asprey

2017-11-01 10:01:51.184 | null

00:00:00 > hey everyone it's Dave Asprey the bulletproof executive with bulletproof executive radio oh wait that's kind of kind of a creative name I came up with there but oh well let's keep going today's guest is kind of interesting because she's going to tell us what would you do if an ice cream truck showed up outside your door and you were told to get inside and scream as part of a team-building exercise Stella croissant is the founder and CEO of wooby and she's going to answer that question for us but first I want to say thanks we just made number one on iTunes I'm really stoked we've had more than three million downloads and I'm just grateful for all the support so if you've liked this show please click like on iTunes and just let other people know that we're creating some awesome content Stella who you just heard in the background there is the CEO and founder

00:01:01 > of woopa and she makes happiness and well-being learning programs for businesses including like Columbia University city of New York and she's had like a really good career coaching 100 or 1,200 women entrepreneurs and having national impact on happiness which is really kind of cool so we talked about butter and coffee and stuff like that a lot but I wanted to have Stella on to talk about a women and B happiness and so Stella welcome to the show and it's a pleasure to have you on so happy to be on thank you is it true that you have a master's in applied positive psychology from UPenn it is true it is it is true people are like why you got a master's and the science of happiness and I'm like yes I do isn't it the most awesome thing because what what more fun things could you study like you know happiness that's just yes I went to UPenn you know I went to Wharton and the problem is I

00:02:03 > study negative psychology so I'm not sure what's the difference between psychology and positive psychology in a degree I'm actually kind of curious about that so really good question so I get all the time they're like positive psychology as opposed to negative psychology and actually kind of yes so psychology today which is only about a hundred or so your science is an empirical investigation of what's wrong with people and how do we fix it so it takes you know people from negative 10 to 0 and make like it's come up with all sorts of great diagnoses and solutions for mental illness for problems but positive psychology asks the question what's right with people and how do we amplify it what's what makes life worth living and how do we how do we create positive interventions to help people really get from zero to plus ten that was elegantly stated I

00:03:05 > imagine you've said that before so I love that line of thinking because I almost want to say what do you mean what's wrong with people like there generally isn't that much wrong with you the fact that you're not doing as well as you could do doesn't mean there's anything wrong and it has to do with with how you see yourself and I see the world and changing your your mindset is cool but I did not know until we started checking you out to see you know to qualify you to be on the show that like a positive psychology as a degree is is kind of cool why did you decide to be one of the first hundred and fifty people to get this degree like it's kind of like I'm gonna have a career in positive psychology like corporations are hiring I'm gonna get a job what was the deal there why it's it's just like it's what I was meant to do I mean I was like the go-to friend who everyone would go you know ask like love advice or what should I do you know to get a promotion or like how do I deal with this problem I mean ever since like you know being 10

00:04:06 > on the playground that was just so evident and I loved helping people and when I stumbled across this degree I just thought oh my god this is it like I have to I have to go for it so um yeah it was it was definitely something I just thought that for me it's awesome that you you figured that out I like the month I was graduating for my undergrad my six year forty degree I got a degree in Information Systems and I was like wait they have something called cognitive studies that's the coolest thing ever like I totally want to do that but it was too late so I went off to get a job and you know started at companies and stuff like that but uh kudos to you for figuring out a degree that you felt was your calling and you went for it and you've taken that amplified the message pretty well for entrepreneurs which is another thing we have in common we both work on that but I want to talk about like okay what do you learn in this program what have you learned it in your practice like why is

00:05:07 > it important to focus on increasing your well-being like what you get out of it oh good question so the first thing that that I guess big big macro tech takeaways is one we learned that happiness is really powerful right so having us having amplified positive emotions has proven to extend your life so there is a study that that followed older men over the age of 65 for two years and what they found after two years is that the men who reported being happier were twice as likely to be alive than those who weren't and there's also this has been replicated in a lot of different ways so one it positivity just lengthens your life which is pretty awesome it heightens your immunity I heard of the study where they like they

00:06:09 > put people into a hotel and they quarantined them and they gave everyone like the common cold and injected them with the cold and that was my last job yeah so you know so everything so you're making people sick for a week and then you measure their snot and you measure their symptoms and what they found is that people who you know came in with a more positive mindset experienced fewer symptoms and there's a whole load of great like bio awesome benefits for positivity on a professional front you know we find that people are 30 to 50 percent more productive at work there are three times more creative because they literally see more there's a really cool study which is one of my favorite where they had people hooked up to eye tracking devices and I know you're you're you've done all sorts of interesting right here I wouldn't be surprised so so they hook people up to eye tracking devices and

00:07:10 > they they stimulated a negative experience or and they showed them all sorts of negative sad depressing movies and then they showed another group all sorts of happy uplifting movies and images and what they found is when they watched where they what they found is that the participants who were in in a negative mood they found that their eyes when looking at a picture tended to stay in the center and just stay in one particular area whereas the people who were in a positive mood their eyes tended to first go around the periphery of the image and then kind of all over inside so literally you see the big picture your your your vision literally and figuratively is affected when you're experiencing more positivity and and it also makes you look hotter which I know is also very important to your to your readers I've been working on it but my parents keep failing really I don't know

00:08:11 > what's going on there I'll tell you when I get that one but it's found that like you know when people see an authentic smile and I mean people really can sense their energy and where we're at and when you're not in a good mood people kind of want to stay away from you they don't really you know want to be in in connection with you whereas the Nutri positive mood or you're happy that draws people in and we know from mirror neurons that also people begin to actually feel your positivity and mimic it and you know goodness for now so sorry I got to challenge you a little bit there yeah so people can you know can sense your energy all right so you've got a degree in positive psychology so you're already like not a real scientist I'm just I don't believe that but that's like the stereotype right so okay how do we know people can sense each other's energy like do you actually study that like are there experiments like how does all that work yeah so well when it comes to negative

00:09:14 > emotion we can there's there's things that we can see that we're not always conscious of so for example there's there's a study I'm not it's not coming to top of mind in terms of who did this study but what they did is they had people again watch sad movies and then they had someone come into the laboratory and observe that person and they had someone watch happy movies and be in a positive mood and observe that person and what they would find is that the person who was observing the person who was experiencing the mood shifts would report that person is more likeable they would report that person as someone who's more attractive or less attractive so that respect you can observe certain things and how they observe them there's there are studies about electromagnetic fields I'm not an expert on that at all I think they're real or is that be awesome I gotta know

00:10:16 > do I think they're real absolutely because yeah I just do okay all right I do too I've seen some of the studies I know some of the guys who do the research on HeartMath Institute and I mean heck I think you can actually control that stuff so alright I love it yeah yeah so that so kind of what I was trying to say first is that what I learned is that happiness is important but the other thing that I learned is happiness is not enough and that's where you know the conversation about well-being takes over so the problem with a lot of especially in America's that we think we're always supposed to be happy and that happiness is like the destination and that we should all strive to be happy and yeah being happy is really awesome but the problem with happiness is that it's transient it's based on emotions which never stay around they're always kind of fluid and moving and the other problem with happiness is that you know if all

00:11:17 > we cared about was being happy we probably would never have children we probably would never take care of the elderly and we probably wouldn't take classes or do experiences that may challenge us into like extreme discomfort but that might end up helping us grow in pretty phenomenal ways so you look like you're gonna say I was sorry I just knows you were gonna go I said yeah they call that the the land of the Lotus Eaters you know in whatever book that is but you know if you think as go lovers travels right but the idea of people who are like oh we're happy all the time and and you've probably seen that in your favorite yoga teacher you know like there are a couple minutes late to yoga class and they're like super happy but like they're kind of getting by and by the way I've done yoga for a long time I love yoga teachers but you can be so far in the happiness spectrum that you know you're maybe not addressing other things that you needed to do totally I hear what you're saying there totally and you you just want to account for other things like when

00:12:18 > you're not necessarily feeling off-the-charts positive there's other things going on in your life that you want to consider such as your relationships your sense of meaning to something bigger than yourself your engagement in your work your sense of accomplishment so those are all things that we track when we think about well-being and positive psychology and yeah so paying attention to those things I think in addition to your general positivity is kind of gets you to kind of where you want to be versus just think just observing your emotions what is the role of status and happiness because like we talked about being happy but if there's the happy guy living under the bridge and maybe he's genuinely happy and it's totally possible and there's like Richard Dawkins who like achieved enlightenment allegedly while living in a park but there's also like you know guys who have everything or you know you know social figures and people who are just so well respected

00:13:20 > you know Oprah Winfrey or something like that well what is the the spectrum between like economically having it or just socially having the status and not having it how does that affect our happiness and as well just our positivity so by status do you mean automatically well do you worry is that with wealth or there's socioeconomic status right so you can have a lot of influence and not a lot of money you have all honey not a lot of influence but people generally have enough money and a lot of influence I don't know we could separate them out if you want we just talk about status and wealth independently is it a good question though well I guess I mean if I was to bring in some studies there's some studies that talk about each of those things separately and then I can just comment but like so there is some research on does money buy you happiness and what we found is that up to a certain point it does and that's about the last I looked it was 66 thousand dollars which is just enough kind of sum to keep your basic needs met so home in

00:14:25 > certain parts of the country but basically that implies once you have kind of the basic necessities in life increasing income doesn't necessarily mean increase in happiness so sure it will buy you may be a better yoga class but you still have to go to the yoga class and embody the lessons of the yoga class it's not going to get you into that kind of level of peacefulness it's not going to bring you that peacefulness okay so in the Bay Area that concern Francisco you need sixty six thousand dollars a month to be happy but like what about the rest of the country I'm just kidding that was promoting that per year but all right so so 66 K on an average thing and above that what happens okay so you make seventy six thousand that extra ten thousand doesn't move the positivity or the happiness needle at all well what what the research says is that it doesn't get you that it doesn't

00:15:27 > continue to grow at the same level as your income so maybe you continue to get a little incremental e more happy maybe you go on more vacations you have you can spend more time with your friends but it doesn't it doesn't move one for one with your increase in health ok so you get one positive point for every dollar up to 6000 above that you only get you know half a positive point for every dollar and it gets smaller with time and it drops off ok yeah so I don't I don't know the numbers exactly but yeah that's the gist but when it comes to status it's interesting because there's there's some interesting research on control and when you have a lot of status and control you tend to be doing a lot better than the people who feel they don't have control in fact people who feel like they don't have control and influence actually live shorter lives so I would imagine that

00:16:28 > status does bring you a level of kind of life satisfaction because you feel like you have a lot of control but I don't know if it necessarily gives you like all the other things like you know really rich nurturing relationships or a sense of meaning and purpose or you can't buy that you just have to read dead well let's talk about that a little bit it's a good joke right but but the idea that you said earlier happiness is fleeting it was so like okay you can have some happiness but whether or not you're making sixty six thousand or forty six or eighty six whatever like okay what percentage of time should you be positive because you know are you gonna have positive without negative how would you even know what your positive like what's the ratio I should be targeting yeah so so there's a general

00:17:29 > rule of thumb in positive psychology that you want to speak okay so let me just back up a second so first let's start with kind of this idea of a negativity bias which you're familiar with I'm sure let's assume someone in listening in their car isn't so negativity bias essentially says that our brains have a natural instinct to pay attention to anything that's bad negative or threatening that's just where our attention goes first and even in our even in our memory recall it's much easier for us to retrieve memories that are negative than those that are positive so we have this bias towards the negative now because it's so strong in order for us to actually live life not like a zero-sum game but like a positive have a positive experience we want to almost overcompensate with the

00:18:32 > positive emotions so the general rule of thumb is that you want to experience three times the amount of positivity for one for one experience of negativity or negative emotions and and so but what I want to underscore is that negative emotions aren't bad you just want to keep them in check that's kind of another kind of problem that people think with like positive psychology or happiness it's like all yellow smiles no it's not like yellow smiley face it's actually just kind of learning the skills to flourish within a life experience where you know shit hits the fan so yeah a lot of people would argue that okay you want to be happy 3/4 of the time but they don't necessarily feel in control their happiness check ok went on for days you know three bad ones I was unhappy and one good one I was happy right well something like that but you know how was you know how am I to know

00:19:33 > what the dates gonna be like cuz you know I just met them on some dating site or whatever but like how do you control whether you have happiness 3/4 of the time or not good question well I think well I bring everything back to attention and I I I describe your life experience as like being in the director seat and you get to point the camera wherever you want to create you know the movie that you want so we could have like a scene and have three different directors create three different movies just based on where they point the camera they tell different stories and so I believe that everything that just comes down to where you point your attention so if you have four bad date three bad dates one good date you know well you can focus your attention on what did you learn about yourself in each of those dates that's helping you clarify your ideal partner

00:20:35 > because had you maybe not had those dates you might have not realized you had certain needs or maybe you learned how to be you know great at breaking up which is like a good skill you know like others I'm sure there's things to appreciate about you know the negative stuff that sounds like a practice of gratitude frankly yeah I mean that is a practice of gratitude for sure yeah okay so what I'm hearing there then is in order to be happy you should practice gratitude am I putting words in your mouth or is that - no not at all that is definitely one thing you want to practice for sure I think I see gratitude as like the gateway emotion and and you know if you if you practice enough gratitude you know it kind of opens you up on the continuum of positivity and it's just an easier thing to access cuz grad it's you know a gratitude is easier sometimes for

00:21:36 > people then like you know love or peace or wonder so gratitudes a nice one to kind of get in the flow you know so when that happens then other more positive emotions happen that are maybe harder to access for the average person how how much control do we really have of our emotional state awesome question so we actually there's there's a formula that researchers have found that when it comes to having control over our happiness that 10% of our happiness is just based on life circumstances which are out of our control so we can't control the fact that we were born to certain parents or we were born in a certain time or a certain country so those things we can't control that's 10% 40% is accounted for our genetics which although I know you've been sharing some really cool

00:22:37 > information on how we can control what DNA is expressed and we do talk about that a little bit in my class about love and fear but for the most part we have a general setpoint when it comes to our personalities and that's just genetic and again some people are just born a little bit more grumpy some are born a little bit more effervescent and that they have a set point and they can move the needle so that that's 50% so the remaining 40% is where we do have control and our happiness and that 40% is based on what we actually do the choices that we make the place where we point the camera and and so that's the place where we get to work and play on a daily basis and practice you know hopefully having a good outcome so you are a believer in the set point theory of happiness and and it's as a genetic determinants I am a believer that that

00:23:39 > is we we do come in with a certain disposition yes can it be changed I believe it can be changed yeah so you can move your cellphone cool I was hoping you would say that if not I was gonna have a interesting question yeah I mean I I changed my my with neurofeedback for instance I think a lot of mindfulness and awareness practices over time will even you out and take you know you can just move from one part to the other and what appears to be set maybe isn't set if you can dig deep enough that that said you know if you have a deficiency in manufacturing a neurotransmitter you might just tend towards in direction and that's just how it's gonna be yeah I I definitely believe you can do so much transformational work and absolutely what did you did you intentionally with your Meyers brakes say I want to change this into this no I just did it and then I did a bunch of personal growth stuff my $300,000 of

00:24:43 > biohacking and Wow lots of different things and I happen to notice when I did it at a corporate event later I'm like wow it doesn't really look kind of the same but you know a lot of the attitudes that come in towards being judgmental or analytical well you know I tended to score pretty high on those and actually not remembering my current type but what I what I found was that I tended to be very near the middle on almost everything when I was done so I was you know almost like flexible to move from this side to the other side which has been really beneficial I we're going to help me put myself in other people's shoes and and even when I do public speaking or hosting the show or writing a blog post well I find it's really easy to to go between the two sides there are the four directions sort of and try and use language that isn't going to set off any one side and you sort of cut a quarter or half the audience from hearing the message so they can at least access it and then utterly you know and then make a decision as to whether they want to use it or throw it away or

00:25:44 > whatever else but if I can get past like the built-in filters wow it seems like people don't even like have a chance to read it right that's awesome so all right let's say that I'm feeling really sad because I just got rejected you know I asked for a raise my boss said no I asked you know the the pretty girl and she said no and she said not only no but you know I wouldn't date your brother whatever else right so you're having a really bombed out day and you know are you getting a car accident right so you're accomplishing what you do right you know it's a it's it's just been a shitty day apart in the fair okay walk me through what what to do about that I want to be one of those 7525 happy people well where I always like to start is with where you are so I think it's really important to just be present for you know how are you feeling right now I think it's so so many people want to distract themselves from that feeling

00:26:47 > of shittiness because it's just it doesn't feel good so we want to distract ourselves maybe we like have a drink or we go shopping or we just work really hard or we go on the Internet but what you want to do is kind of just recognize wow I'm having a really shitty day and sometimes it actually helps by labeling it out loud there was an interesting study that found that when MRI patients were about to go into the tube thing when the operators would ask them how they were feeling and they actually stated you know that they were feeling nervous they found that there kind of anxiety went down faster than with other participants so and I also found that to be true you know I find that to be true for myself and you know clients that I work with as well if you're just kind of opening with where

00:27:48 > you are and and that also you know for outside of your shitty day example is even if you're working with a group of people or you're a manager if you can start with where you are then you kind of let down the resistance because people again will press they know you well can probably sense that something's up so by stating it you kind of allow yourself to relax and be taken into context and that really helps move things along so anyway I'd label it that's the first thing I do and then there's a few few interventions that have been studied that that work one intervention that has been proven I I guess sometimes I do it is fake it so what they found is that it's the pens

00:28:49 > that you put in your mouth so they had people like put a pen in their mouth like this and so it's kind of like a fake smile and then they had people put the pen in their mouth like this right you can't smile so what they found is when they showed them comics afterwards that the people who are like this I actually found the comics more funny so there is something to say about faking it but you have to internally want to fake it it has to start intrinsically so for me if I'm in a really bad mood if I get dressed put on my makeup go to see a friend or something generally that that can help the other thing that I've that I've created for people for myself actually you start you mentioned the ice cream truck we need to ask you about

00:29:50 > that so I was having a really shitty day one day and I my boyfriend now husband just moved into my 400 square foot studio in Manhattan which also was my office at the time and his lights you know socks were in places there were like cords everywhere and like my Mendelian minimalist apartment suddenly was like ah chaos and there was just a lot going on in my business and my life and somehow it all just came into that moment where I was feeling so overwhelmed all I wanted to do was scream now you're in a Manhattan apartment there's neighbors everywhere there's buildings stacked next to each other if you scream like you know I'm thinking people are gonna think I'm crazy they're gonna call the cops god knows what's gonna happen but then part of me actually paused and that's when you know and if you have a meditation practice you can pause and kind of watch

00:30:52 > your thoughts and part of me paused and was like don't hold this back and then just hop over it and keep going see what happens if you go through this emotion and so I decided to just let myself scream and beat some pillows and afterwards I felt like giddy and light and it was like you know better than sex it was just so good it was such a weight off my chest and for me what that moment was was just embodying what I was feeling so acknowledging what I was feeling and moving through it and so so I created a truck to help people do just that more often but yeah so whatever you can do to the truck you go into and scream yes and is it like per minute like how do you charge for this well organizations hire I'm sure but

00:31:55 > mostly if I go out into the community I do it for free just like I just let people come in and experience it it's not it's not it's like 5% screaming and like 95% relaxation and embodiment work you're like hitting things with sticks - they kind of are twelve noodles I did something like that once and it felt absurd it was like this multi-day of personal growth retreat and it was really profound I watched people snap like there's this one grandmother there and and she's like you know kind of saying they're like screaming and all of a sudden like she really got into it and just like demolished her foam hit oh I'm like wow that was one angry woman she didn't look that angry and it took me like three days to be like actually like screaming and mean it so it was it was definitely not a rational activity in any way shape or form but it works yeah and it's also I mean the way I set it up is that it's a playful activity I don't set it up as kind of you know primal therapy at all

00:32:59 > it's it's more just like it's a way for you to play with what you're experiencing right now and there's an audio experience that guides you through it there's bright colors so okay so James server in it and sort of the sense a little bit of absurdity and just like being aware I get it that seems like a cool approach maybe more mainstream that I'm not I'm not into the primal scream kind of it's it's not not the thing that works for me I'm not either I'm not either yeah so um but I think the biggest thing is for you just to be conscious of where you are and and kind of don't try to rush out of it just if you could get back into your Center breathing noticing what's good okay so we're feeling really bad we don't label it we admit that we're feeling bad so you acknowledge an emotion then you sort of cultivate an awareness of it as a part of that yeah and what's the next step there it's it's

00:34:06 > really it's not like a linear approach it's hard for me to like I wish I could say there's a five step process you know unwinding any shitty mood but it really depends on what's happening for you in the moment I think but the one thing that's a constant is just really being with where you are in that moment and then if you can once you acknowledge it and you feel that you want to move towards a more positive state then I would go towards you know gratitude I would go be with a friend because relationships are actually our number one driver of happiness even though they may be the cause of the shitty experience but people are really important I think when we're in a negative place we begin to feel very isolated and being ice feeling lonely as

00:35:09 > a self-fulfilling prophecy so if you can bring yourself to be with someone else if you do something nice for someone else that's another way to kind of get out of your head giving and being kind actually you know stimulates our dopamine some people report actually experiencing a Helpers high which means that some people when they're volunteering if they're volunteering regularly with the level of frequency they report feeling less pain they were for feeling stronger so so there's a lot of and I think the best part of it is that you just forget yourself if you can just forget yourself and your problems that are in your head and focus on kind of the present moment and being of service that's a nice way to get out of your funkiness as well cool okay so so I heard do something nice for someone else

00:36:11 > so you're feeling really crappy yes I'm feeling a little crappy but you look nice today right and and that can break your mood Wow all right there's a certain number of people who would say well ice cream ice cream will work so what's your take on the value of food is that an emotional eating response like like what's the deal there I think everything in perspective so good ice cream you say you know I just think I think it really I think I really I mean if you wanna for the most part people do tend to emotionally eat and escape into it just like drugs and and you don't want that to be your go-to to numb your experience but sometimes it's hard for you to you can't go from feeling totally shitty to like zippity-doo-dah if you you might need to take some micro steps so if you take small steps and if

00:37:12 > that ice cream is I don't want to like say ice cream is okay but if in that moment of time if you don't have an eating problem if you if you can handle you know treating yourself without overdoing it then yeah go ahead have an ice cream just like six scoops no more some extra hot side so it's a slippery slope he was saying and you brought up something else that's my next question I what about pot you know it raises alpha way of self waves of course correlated with happiness so you know if you're not you a daily user and you like man I had a really crappy day I think I'm gonna you know hit the bong yeah I just huh I don't have much experience in that category so I can't really say I've watched a lot of people important in my life I use that as their kind of medicine and I just I only have a

00:38:13 > personal opinion about it which is like you need to be able to deal in the present moment presently so if that substance is taking you out of your body and your ability to be right here and now then I don't think that supportive that that sounds almost like a regular psychologist not a positive all right no I I don't have a particular like I I'm not a post but and not a huge huge user like it you know I'll eat something with putting it on a rare occasion at all right party just because it's fun well I can't imagine like oh I'm feeling really bad I'm gonna have pot I would be like give me the coffee but that's just me so all right what about boredom this is like a more slippery one it's one thing to be like you know I was in a car accident no one likes me you know I'm you know and I'm ugly to do it so okay that was a really extreme example asked about okay so now I have the most boring job ever in fact

00:39:14 > I'll tell you a job I used to have people don't know this for five years I would pack auto parts in boxes and it works like at the end of high school when I was in college like I would pay for my tuition all summer just walking around pushing a car it was the horrible mindless just mind-numbing boredom all right what is the way to be happy 75% of the time when your job absolutely sucks and it doesn't just like suck it's boring suck yeah that's painful that's painful boring it's interesting cuz you know when we say it's like we're gonna bore me to death research has found that that actually has some significant truth to it like Fox News I don't know Fox News featured and I have no problem of Fox News I think they even talked to hug my coffee once sorry yeah I also know but so this

00:40:16 > it was a white I believe it was the Whitehall study that asked people in the 80s like to what degree are you have you been bored at your job in the past month and then in 2001 they came back and they analyzed the results and what they found is that people who reported being bored at their jobs were three and a half times more likely to have died of a heart of a heart problem believe us three and a half times or three times so so you could die of a broken heart or a board heart well you can you can it's because when we're not feeling stimulated or curious you know our brain begins to like really slow down I mean and and it's just sucks you know Sudoku is the way to solve for them I've actually never played sodoku I did it twice it was like oh my god that's so boring it didn't work for me of it

00:41:19 > but you know I see people on the train doing it so so you you actually want to take your boredom seriously one thing that you want to what if you're feeling really bored the last thing you want to do is keep checking the clock because what happens when you're checking the clock is you're focusing on time and you're not focusing on what you're doing and so if you can so I'll bring up a little bit of chick semi-high who is kind of the godfather who of positive psychology he also term coined the term flow Csikszentmihalyi talks about true engagement which is kind of the opposite end of boredom true engagement is when we are kind of so lost in the tax task at hand that we lose a sense of time we lose a sense of space we even forget ourselves and kind

00:42:23 > of our ego rumination and what stuff means to you we also are challenging ourselves just enough so that it's we're out of our comfort zone we but you know we're getting challenged and we're getting feedback on our performance so so there's all these so there's these aspects that create a sense of engagement so what I ask people to do is like okay well how can you challenge yourself as you're you know pushing the carts or packing you know the boxes to be a little bit more engaged how can you make a game out of that experience to improve your important performance maybe you start to measure how fast each stage takes you and see if you can improve your speed or maybe at each stop you really interact you make it an effort to interact authentically with the person

00:43:25 > in the warehouse ask them how they're doing see how you can make their life a little bit easier so there's all sorts of micro ways that we can make anything into an engaging task but it kind of takes some work to really put yourself into it but the last thing you want to do is just keep staring at the clock you want to see how you can make what you're doing even better okay yeah that makes sense but you're quitting is a great one for me what I ended up doing was kind of two things one was like how can I do less of this so I ended up like winning a pretty prestigious award for process improving I was so bored I'd had to find something to do I would like play 3d Tetris so I'd pack the boxes so have you no one could move them and about it which many bows in there anyway it was it was not a fun experience but it paid the bills right yeah but you did something about it you know you did your best all right we're coming up on the

00:44:28 > end of the show and there's the question I've asked everyone who's been on the show why and given everything you know positive psychology or not just your own life experience your top three recommendations for people who want to perform better so if you want to kick ass in life the three things that you should do according to Stella oh my god okay but three things you should do according to me oh wow one is practice controlling your attention so again kind of like you are the director of your own movie so practice where you point the camera your attention is that camera so when you're in a shitty situation or you want to perform even better like how else can you look at a situation to come up with an even better idea or a more effective way of doing something or a deeper way

00:45:30 > of connecting with someone else so that's one the next thing is I would really be aware of your well-being and how you can amplify your well-being because when you are feeling well you're performing at 30 to 50 times with better so by your well-being I'm talking about your positivity your sense of engagement your relationships your sense of meaning and your kind of level of accomplishment mastery and the third tip is not to take yourself too seriously I just wouldn't take yourself too seriously I would just you know like if things are always changing and and if you can just lighten up and have a little bit more fun and see things as more of a playful experience then you're more likely to be like you said smooth and be able to be flexible in

00:46:35 > whatever situation comes up very very cool and thank you for sharing those it's it's always amazing to hear about different people with different paths share and I learned something every time so much much appreciate it well Stella thank you for being on the show and please do tell people where they can learn more about you I think you have a class you're teaching that's coming up tell us about that give us your URL book titles other places they can connect with you yes absolutely so I just posted a class if you're interested in learning about the science of happiness and and actually hack your happiness I have a course on udemy which is the letter U de slash science of happiness and I think we can share that with your your readers as well and it takes you through skills on how to hack you know your negative emotions and support them and

00:47:37 > deepen those relationships and experience more meaning and make meaning out of struggle and experience higher levels of achievement and mastery so we talked about that and it's all online you can do it whenever wherever and I'd love to offer your community 50% off if they'd like to start it now I believe like the new year is the perfect time to kick this off because when you're more aware of your well-being then you're more in control of how your your your life is going and how your performance is going well that that's a huge discount hey how do they get it and by the way guys we don't have any affiliate thing or anything sort of like that this is just a you know a generous offer there's no no underhanded business relationship here so so thank you for that and now help you well they can get it so if you go onto slash science of happiness and I made a code

00:48:38 > just for you guys it's bulletproof that's the code bulletproof it's an easy-to-remember code not like easy to remember and if for any reason you cannot remember this information you're driving you can email me I guess this is more information to remember Stella at Roopa calm and I'm happy to answer any questions that you have that's wo o P eh eh eh calm still it thanks a lot totally everyone this episode was sponsored by the new bulletproof upgraded truffled chocolate coffee beans actually it wasn't sponsored but we just launched them and they ate like half a bag of these things and they're amazing and good and I'm totally buzzing this whole interview you could tell I'm really happy so the perfect happiness for me was truffle chocolate coffee beans me with all my ingredients I'm jumping up and down anyway still much much appreciated have an awesome evening

hotel and were you actually putting raw liver in your smoothie though like just grinding it up absolutely so alright you I did that this morning see but not smooth the edges power down you you win the man award there I cannot do a raw liver smoothie I've tried it but there but like I think I actually put a little bit more muscle mass from the car that's like when I see you I bet you'll take me down that's an issue to challenge the Eskimo the Eskimo diet versus the Virgin diet exactly